I call Yal-hune to my office. She arrives looking more beautiful than ever and I struggle to keep focused on the situation at hand.
"Yes. Someone fired a missile at Air Force One and you have been ordered to investigate it."
"Can you help us?"
"You know...tell us who fired and why. It would save us a lot of time and hassle."
"Yes, it would. However, I then would be aiding one nations intelligence at the expense of another. Would you have me become a spy while I am here? Would you have me forfeit my equanimity?"
"I knew you were going to say that. I don't even know why I asked you."
"You asked me because you have many negative pasts in China. You don't realize this consciously, but subconsciously you would rather not return to China or possibly interface with those people whom you have had negative experiences with in the past."
"Are you saying I'm too chicken to go to China?"
"No, not chicken. It's a natural aversion. The same way we move away from something that smells bad. It's instinctive. You have an instinctive aversion to China."
"Will you at least prep me to fly the EMF craft?"
"I have given you all the instruction you need."
"You're not being real cooperative here...have I done something wrong?"
"You need to wake up to your pasts. Here you are, involved up to your eyeballs in covert activities, espionage and intelligence gathering. Have you ever once contemplated what past lives you are currently regenerating? Have you wondered if this is your best destiny? Have our conversations meant so little that you completely have forgotten the importance of seeing things with totality and balance? Does your job here contribute to your balance or further burden you with more imbalanced structures?"
"What are you saying? I should resign from SDAI?"
"I'm not saying anything. You are Tech1. You have the ability to transform this organization into something that is constructive and progressive - and not in the political sense. I'm talking about not playing the Norchans game - divide and conquer. Keeping the Earth imbalanced as nation is pitted against nation. Human against human."
"So you don't think we should try and find out who shot the missile at Air Force One?"
"What would that information do? Of what constructive purpose would it be put?"
"It all depends on who sponsored it. Missiles like that can't be bought at the corner drugstore. Some nation or well connected group was targeting Obama, it's in the USA's interest to find out who, why and make sure that it never happens again."
"And if I told you who did it and why...you would seek to retaliate, correct? YOU understand energy principles. How can you participate in things you know are bad for others and yourself?"
"It's in the job description. If I didn't have this job, someone else would. That someone would probably be FAR less balanced and this organization would be used FAR less intelligently than it has been."
"So you are going against your better instincts because you are concerned about what would happen if you didn't?"
"No. Well...sort of something like that. It's complex."
"I can make a difference here."
"What do you mean? I would never have met Shayla or you for that matter if I was not SDAI-Tech1 now would I? We would never have uncovered the Travelers flame and these MIMIR artifacts and treasures would be lost to mankind."
"How do you know? I was watching you long before you became Tech1. I would've revealed myself to you whether you were Tech1 or a janitor. You must realize that each action not just defines your now - it shapes your future."
Whenever she does this it creeps me out. She knows the possible futures and wouldn't be trying so hard to dissuade me unless she knew it was important. She said I have bad pasts in China. Maybe something happens if I go. Maybe I lose balance and the EMF craft explodes. Maybe I get captured by the Chinese and rot in a Chinese prison or get put to death.
"Okay...okay. What if I quit? What if I resigned today? What if I just write books from now on and leave the intelligence world behind me? Would that build a better future?"
"What do YOU think?"
"What about you? Where would you go? Would you come with me? I'll tell you right now...I will go anywhere with you. I will quit my job, renounce money, live as balanced as I can every day of my life and I would race to do so - if you were beside me. I love you Yal-hune. I want to do the right things. I know that everything is good - even the bad things, but I still need to work from some frame of reference, so as to chart a progressive directory. I'm afraid what would happen to all these folks if I left. This is the best intelligence agency in the world. We have uncovered more of the Earth's hidden secrets than anyone. We have prevented nuclear holocausts, helped bring a semblance of freedom to Russia and in my opinion made the world a better place. If I knew a better way, I would embrace it as tightly as I want to embrace you! Tell me you will go with me...and I will quit. I will leave today."
I look at her and my body aches. She's so nice. So, so unbelievably nice. Her goodness interacts with me physically and emotionally. She is walking perfection but it's not just her body - it's her...her goodness...her mind. I want her to say yes. If SDAI is no longer really serving a constructive purpose than to Hades with it! Perhaps I have been deluding myself about the accomplishments. I don't see what Yal-hune sees. I don't see the myriad of possible outcomes and futures. She does. She must know that the world might be a completely different place - just if I had not become Tech1. I know it's possible. Every single thing is linked and any change influences the whole. She wants the best for me..she loves me more than I know. I can't understand all her love, but I want to. God, I want to!
"I will go with you."