The details emerging from the attack on Shamballa are good news. Only a few burns and cuts were the injuries incurred by our personnel. The attack was put under wraps and the appearance of a 5 mile wide saucer in the remote desert can't be found in any news reports - or after action reports. While we are in a remote location, some civilians must've seen the ship descend. We've recovered 37 unexploded GBU-12 Paveway missiles that were launched at Shamballa or the Confederation saucer but apparently were neutralized from a distance. And so far 16 JDAM equipped ordnance have also been recovered and the perimeter is littered with countless shell casings and other ordnance from the unsuccessful assault. I'm having them carefully gone over by some of our lab boys to see what exactly was done to them to make them fall to the Earth, without even so much as a dent. Clean up crews with metal detectors are painstakingly going over every sector to make sure no ordnance pollutes the pristine desert and prevent some poor hikers from having a nasty surprise. Oh...and one lucky fellow found an 1855 'Half Dime' or nickel.
It all still seems surreal. Sometimes I wonder just how different my life has become since that star-gazing session in the middle of July. It hasn't even been four months and yet it feels like I've known Yal-hune for years now. Maybe it's interfacing with her consciousness that imparts a greater sense of time. Like I walked into a parallel universe.
She has all these abilities and yet she is the most humble person I know. I have to force myself to try and view her with some semblance of equilibrium. Biasing her over-positive will only draw circumstances which will take her away from me.
I try to remember her words, "Everything is good." It's hard. Events like this one, seem to be only bad, but I know she knows the future and with such knowledge is constantly seeing both sides and results of all sorts of events. I know my future will be determined by how well I can keep this balance - even during the apparently worst circumstances. And even in the best, I must not see only the good. It's those biases that come back to bite one. Each moment is a test. Each moment is wondrous and filled with equal amounts of good and evil and I am just not always aware of this.
Sometimes I start thinking about asking her out on a date. I know it's crazy, but the thought keeps popping in. I know she doesn't bias, which is good for me,yet I also know she understands why its best that romantic partnerships should be between equals. I just wonder what it would be like to take her out to a restaurant or go shopping with her. She might not blend in easily, but she could pass for human. Heck, I know she could pass for anything she wants to, with her abilities.
I know she has already shared consciousness with me and I should be happy to leave it at that, but sometimes I think I am socially programmed to desire the whole elaborate trappings that come with courtship or a close relationship. I need to know more about her world's customs - and yet to do so I have to ask her and my thoughts will reveal me. I already put strong 'privacy markers' on this thought train, though I know she probably already knows my desires better than I do. I guess in the end I have to trust her. I can't just let her lead me around, but I would be a fool not to listen to her advice very, very closely. I always thought I had my hormones under complete control and yet since she arrived it feels like a second puberty. All the awkward moments, blushing, preoccupation with sex, insecurities and the rest seem to have flared up since she arrived. It's like her field or aura, I guess, acts as a powerful catalyst. Next thing you know, I'll find myself needing to shave twice a day. In some ways I feel like a kid again. The excitement, the never knowing what the next day will bring and feeling buoyant and exuberant about life and everything. I find I have more patience than I used to. All the little irritants that creep up on one and which bother now don't seem important at all.
Awhile back, an event like this would have made me want revenge on those who planned it. I would work tirelessly to see 'justice' done. Now, I know the culprits are just pawns and puppets. And even those who are the puppet masters are themselves puppets of other powerful forces outside their own cognizance. If I bias them, I tie myself to them, negatively and who wants that? I don't. Yal-hune has opened my eyes and given me all the information I need to sail my own vessel through the most treacherous bays. If I am being targeted by the Norchans - even now - I must use every tool Yal-hune has given me to maintain that equilibrium. All the fears and insecurities that pop up are becoming clearly foreign to MY thoughts. I can spot them easier. The artificiality of them is becoming more apparent. This is what I need to do. Yal-hune told me - discern! And I am going to do just that. Each negative thought, each lower emotion that surfaces I am going to filter out - because I now know these things are not of me. I will get stronger and my consciousness will be more free to think thoughts uninterrupted and diverted.
I realize now I should ask Yal-hune out on a date. My hesitancy and self-doubt was not really me, only whispered fears scratching at my front door and which I allowed in. We will be fine. There is nothing to fear save fear itself. First though, I want to know more about her world and other worlds. I want to learn! I feel like a kindergartner just starting to learn of the world. And unlike certain times in the past, I want to learn because I want to know and experience more that the universe has to offer, not just because knowledge is a tool to exploit.
Dating an extraterrestrial will work best if I build up a more compatible body of knowledge. Those Atlantean history texts, Isis is doing cartwheels over, will be a good place to start.