Everything and Nothing (51)

"What's wrong with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm crazy or something. I wake up and every day I realize I'm not happy and I can't figure out why. Ever since you came into my life, I'm simultaneously ecstatic and miserable. I can't enjoy almost any of the things I used to enjoy, not that I miss them much, but they were familiar. Here you are, this wonderful, wonderful person that I want to get to know and have fallen for so completely that it's paralyzed my life. I've left SDAI, given up saving the world, because you've proven to me it doesn't need saving and left me with nothing but my own hang-ups to focus upon. And man...I'm finding I'm a veritable walking neurosis case textbook. I shouldn't be miserable. I should be thrilled and walking on air, but I'm not. It's driving me crazy. My life seems to have lost so much of its purpose and meaning."

"And?"

"And...don't you see this is destroying me? I mean here you are...and here I am and I just don't know what to do anymore. I used to dream about a life like this - and now that I have it my body and mind fight constantly. I don't know what I want anymore. That scares the hell out of me. Earth isn't enough...you've spoiled me. Yet a part of me is paralyzed with fear to travel with you to other worlds. I thought I would jump at the chance, but now I don't know. If I feel awkward around you - how would I feel on a world where I'm the local human idiot? Sure, I know they wouldn't judge - but it wouldn't matter because I would be doing enough comparing and judgment for both. Can't you feel my pain? I just don't know anymore."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"God no!!! I LOVE YOU. But this is just so much tougher than my life has been. I have everything I ever wanted and access to things I never dreamed possible. I've seen the Earth from out in space - without a spacesuit! Something one imagined only Gods could do, and yet alongside you such godlike feats are commonplace. How exciting is going to the market, the bank, driving, shopping and the rest? It's all so painfully shallow its become unendurable. I see all the faces, so many faces and yet they all are living lives that have become anathema to me. I feel sorry for them and then I catch myself, knowing that is wrong and doesn't do them, or me, any good. Money, power and fame? All roads to nowhere. Sure, I'm keeping myself busy now building the hangar and enjoying every moment I can with you - but even these are not enough. I have everything - and nothing."

"Never forget that the frustrations are NOT you. The Norchans play you like a fiddle sometimes, and you are going to have to listen more closely to your small voice within. Once you are on equilibrium you will not bounce between ecstasy and misery. Here...allow me..."

Yal-hune walks on over and holds her hands a few inches from my temples. Her hands glow green energy. The best way to describe it is it glows sort of like UV purple light does, except it is green and your eyes know that it is seeing light in an unusual frequency band. I feel my consciousness relax and I see clearly another world, the Norchans' world where a whole group of beings are watching me and Yal-hune, on a large screen, right at this moment! They have dedicated machines targeting me and her, but on her they have no effect. Whereas on me, they have constant success. They have sensors which are registering all sorts of brain frequencies, we are emitting and receiving. Each thought is carefully offset with engineered signals designed to lower consciousness. It is INCREDIBLY complex. They have an ongoing record of past thought trains and what inputs worked in the past to lower my fundamental frequency. Right now they are blocked because of Yal-hune's field. It is amazing...she shows me how almost ALL my unhappiness is orchestrated by Norchanian technology, which creates and generates false thought trains and inserts them whenever possible. Because they incorporate so much of my own frequencies, previous thoughts and such - they are not rejected most of the time.
It's truly horrendous. I see humanity has, for all intents and purposes, become puppets which the Norchans endlessly abuse. Our world is truly a slave world - a world where minds are not free and are dominated by others.

"Can't you block them?"

"The Confederation is very concerned about what goes on here on Earth. There are those who have proposed shielding the Earth. However, they have been outnumbered by those who believe non-interference is still the best policy. You see for the Earth to receive such overshadowing signals -"

"I know. The Earth mus have at one time broadcast them to other worlds."

"Bingo."

"When did this occur?"

"The latter days of Lemuria saw humanity use these same technologies directed towards other worlds. They were not as sophisticated as what the Norchans use, but the basic principle - thought over-rides and mind control - were very much the same."

"And this is why no one wants to shield Earth, because they feel Earth deserves this feedback?"

"Something like that, yes. Just as you would not take sides when two criminals argue, the Confederation sees the Norchans and Humans in much the same light and are adverse to siding with one over the other."

"Can you help me build a shield?"

"I was going to surprise you...but I might as well tell you. I have incorporated a shield into the house redesign and the hangar. So when they are done, this house and the hangar/facility will be protected from incoming overshadowing signals."

"Will you tell me what technology you are utilizing for this?"

"No. This already will be a major point of contention. However, because I am living here -"

"You found a loophole in the agreements and treaties?"

"Yes."

"Awesome. Did I tell you I LOVE YOU Yal-hune?"

"You just did."

I give her a big mental kiss and hug. This is the turning point...when Earth has a safehouse for people to think clearly. The cycle is about to change - I can feel it. A new, more positive cycle will emerge and all this suffering the nation and world is enduring is good. It will prepare them for the tasks ahead.