I sit across from Yal-hune who is lying on the soft leather couch in my office. It is late into the night and I sent a clean up crew to remove all the belongings from my home and bring them back to Shamballa. My 'neighbor' has left and his house is on the market, a Century 21 sign grew in the yard overnight. The Agency wastes no time with these things. I can't go back home. I can live here until the dust settles. I think about the events of the past 72 hours and it's all a bit overwhelming.
When she shields me from external influences with her consciousness I realize I enjoy life more. I fear in this short time I am already growing addicted to being in the presence of her mind. It's hard to live a normal life with her around. When she shields me I feel no lower emotions only love, joy and understanding, but when she does not I feel embarrassed somewhat - for my humanity. And then I feel guilty because I am assuming she views me and humanity by human standards - emotions - and I know she doesn't.
It's messed up.
In some ways I now really understand just how incompatible our two disparate worlds are. She lies there and even as I think these thoughts they reach out and hit her, just as if I was speaking aloud.
"Suck it up. You'll get used to it."
Her thought shocks me and interrupts my internal monologue. She laughs. It is a sublime laugh and it is genuine and kind.
"You will adjust. Just as you did with Shayla. You need to see me not as an extraterrestrial - but as a person. I'm not some precious prize to be locked up away from the world, I'm not your personal galactic Google or prophet. If you traveled to some primitive culture how would you like to be treated?"
I never really thought about it like that. I realize I have been conditioned to think of her as a sort of treasure - one that needs safekeeping. But she's right. I would not enjoy being treated different or reverentially. I would want to fit in and not have them act differently.
"Exactly. Treat me as you did Shayla or your comrades here at Shamballa."
"But it's different. With them I would interface on an emotional level. We flatter each other, complement each other's accomplishments and talk about meaningless things. Being human means constantly seeking affirmation. We live for praise and ego reinforcement and we base our decisions largely on these selfish needs. With you that's impossible. Flattering you is actually somewhat of an insult. Here you are - the most beautiful woman in the world and I feel guilty when I look at you that way. I know you can read my mind and you know most of all I want you to treat me as an equal - however, logically I know this is impossible. Even my desire for such is a sign of my human insecurity. Being human means our lives are one big endeavor to seek attention and affirmation. You know this. Look at our internet! We have billions of people sitting alone in their homes communicating via a screen - all of them there for one reason - affirmation!"
"Then you are already one step towards finding your TRUE self. Realizing life is far more than affirmation. If everyone in the world could stop and have everyone else in the world applaud them and give them that affirmation they seek they might realize that affirmation isn't really what they seek. They seek much more, they just don't realize yet. On this world the rich, famous and powerful start to realize these things do not make them happy and they still feel empty inside. Your world is human but your world has lost the real value of its own sentience."
She is smiling. She says all this with a smile and a warmth that defies description. I realize this is what I must do - interact with her from an intellectual level minus the ego. Here on Shamballa where the brightest minds have worked, intellectual capacity has been prized and rewarded. Sure there was camaraderie, but lurking in the shadows was always that desire for affirmation of one's abilities and accomplishments. There was the competition and intellectual accomplishment became a contest. I realize this was already instilled back in the college physics department, the battle to be better than the rest. We all had it, some worse than others. The joy of knowledge for knowledge sake was not enough.
"Yes. You are understanding it now. That's why I say I don't want you to treat me like a galactic Google. Half the time it's your desire to know something and the other half - it's your desire to know something that others do NOT know.
I have watched you grow up. I know you. I know you are very bright and I also know that you have it within you to master these impulses and hidden drives that interfere with your abilities. Yes, you limit yourself when you seek out knowledge for the wrong reasons. You poison your own well that way. It was no accident that you were chosen. You have been sliding backwards."
Suddenly, I feel it in the pit of my gut - an ache. She has hit a nerve and I know it is true. Anyone else and I would be lashing back, furiously. My shattered ego would demand it. With her - I simply can't. She is completely unemotional and calling her names or passing the blame somehow to her would be insane. She is beyond being hurt by emotional outbursts. Around her, I know what it feels like to be me - the real me. The me that doesn't use knowledge as a weapon, that doesn't care what people think about the car I drive or whether my clothes are fashionable.
Yal-hune gets up off the couch. All 6'4" of her. She looks into my eyes with hers and there is a spark there unlike any I have ever seen. It is bright, like a tiny star is burning inside each of her eyes.
"I am here on a mission. I am not human and no one on this world can relate to me on my level - you included. Once you get over yourself and your materialistic, affirmation seeking desires, we will be able to work together to do some real good for your world. You need to know what you really want. What do you want?"
It's all true. What do I want? I want to make love to her. Why? She's beyond beautiful. But what else? She's beyond smart. She's beyond lower emotions. Is it an animal instinct - reproduce with the best mother you could find? Perhaps. Perhaps humanity is more animal like than we even realize. All the entertainment shows, websites and all the rest catering to our animal instincts - procreate and, if you can, dominate others. But what else do I want? Would that really be enough? Even if I could make love to her for an eternity, I would need more. She would not be enough. She would only be a part of what I want.
"Yes, you're getting there now. ALL souls need more than just one 'soulmate' we need a whole infinite universe of souls! We are never content with the information we have, we need to find the information we DO NOT have! And this process never ends. We are infinite - you, I and everyone on your world. We have an infinite spark that can never be fulfilled merely with affirmation, sex, power or money. We need to learn and when we have learned something we need to learn something else. I volunteered for this mission because it was the most challenging one of all - be an emissary on Earth - one of the lowest, most primitive planets in the entire galaxy. It was not enough to live on my world and study worlds from afar. Like many on my world, I needed more than that."
She pulls me out of the chair and guides me to sit on the floor beside her.
"Do you know there are worlds with viewers that can see countless different worlds. The viewers are like Google maps on your world. They can show you how any planet looks. And unlike Google with its street view, these viewers allow you to observe inside buildings and pinpoint any individual. The decadent worlds use viewers unhealthily - like many on your world use the internet. They live others lives, feel their pains and emotions and spend many years of their long lives living as parasites off of other people on other worlds. Yes, it's horrifying. They experience others death, procreation and even birth - all from a sensory viewer. It becomes like a drug, living others lives and influencing their thoughts - using them like remote puppets."
In my mind, she is showing me a picture - I see rows of spheres with people inside them. They have no hair and a bluish cast to their skin. Their bodies are wired up to these signal transmission/receiving units.
"Yes, these beings live on one world that targets the Earth and other primitive worlds that have absolutely no defenses and no knowledge of what's going on. They are not the only world that spends their "recreation" time possessing and experiencing life through others - dozens of worlds do that and the viewers are one of the devices that advanced worlds consider contraband."
"That is why you are here, isn't it? You came here to warn the Earth and get us to develop our minds?"
"In part. The advanced worlds realize the Earth's progress has been largely delayed in part due to these external influences on the planet's population. On these worlds where violence is very controlled - these beings can live out their violent fantasies on Earth. They can enjoy unsafe procreation, suicidal smoking, binging, yelling and fighting, and all the things that are barred on their own worlds. These worlds have channeled their darkness to Earth and we find that quite unacceptable."
I probe her mind as best I can and I see she is telling me this because she has seen someone using me. Some alien has been getting their jollies exploiting me.
"Yes, you have been targeted. All those who know more than most here are targeted. They want to keep you from realizing your true potential and keep you from possibly changing the status quo. When enough bright people on Earth start building devices to record signals inside and outside the brain, these influences will be discovered and traced to these high energy signals bombarding your world from outside your solar system. Once Earth starts to scientifically recognize these malevolent signals and make it public knowledge, then will people start to fight and eventually your world will have it's own shield - like almost all advanced planets have. You will shield humanity from hostile worlds. For decades your world has feared an invasion from negative aliens - never realizing that the negative aliens were already here - in your minds and even sponsoring this fear."
"You have a lot of reasons for being here don't you?"
"Yes. While I don't feel sorry for Earth, and realizing everyone places themselves perfectly for what they need to learn, I have compassion for its plight and seek to put my own efforts towards a positive resolution."
She's shielding me again. I can feel it and all sorts of stray thoughts, fears and insecurities that normally would pop up are not present. I realize now that many of those thoughts are not mine at all, but are intruders that pose as me to get me diverted from what I really want and really feel.
(End Part 6)