Secrets (Part 18)

The temperature has broken. The desert is now sub-100 degrees and the winds are beautiful and appreciated. Tech2 has been avoiding Yal-hune since his little outburst of several days ago. I have been clandestinely house hunting. I can't stay in Shamballa forever and look forward to getting all my stuff back into a home. I know subconsciously I want to be with Yal-hune out of the stifling atmosphere of Shamballa. There I wear the cloak of responsibility all the while and despite the most secure walls, doors and roof on the planet - privacy is always elusive. I think I'm growing jealous of the time Yal-hune spends with 'Encyclopedia Brown' and that they too can share mind. I know its insane. I know its crazy, since she has shared her mind with millions of people on her world as she communicates, but here, where I have been the main one who communicates with her mentally, I realize I have biased our mind-to-minds as a particularly positive and now I get to bias others mind to mind communication as negative, forcing me to balance the over-positive bias.

I have been sloppy with my mental markers and these thoughts are not put in the 'off limits' subset of thoughts fast enough. I know she knows I want her to move in with me again and I know she probably doesn't want to. And if that's not confusing enough I worry what good ol' Encyclopedia Brown has found out about me from Yal-hune. It's not like human values apply to her. She can't be embarrassed, shamed or made to feel guilty.

Listen to me whine. I'm embarrassed. I could use my position to arrange things to my liking, but that would be snake-like and I'd have to start slithering instead of walking. I see how much humanity is not ready for interaction will extraterrestrials. It's too hard to monitor one's thoughts. Too hard to keep the primitive bias-based emotions in check. Here I am - and I know these things - and I still keep reverting to good/bad thinking. I wouldn't last a day on her world without being totally incompatible with the cultural fabric.

The past few days have been stressful. Shamballa is being reactivated in stages and soon the entire SDAI operational branches will be back in service, on call 24/7 for the needs of the nation. With Yal-hune here, part of me wants to abandon all the rest and focus on her. Isn't she the most important thing in the world right now? Sure, Iran and North Korea are up to no good - but what else is new? With Yal-hune its all so much larger than life. Volumes worth of our world's history is locked inside her and I want to get it out. In the old days when I would get frustrated I would buy a car and have the Special Vehicle Division work it over into a toy. Now, with her here, I feel she is watching me, judging me and taking all the fun out of such materialist pursuits. And even though I know she doesn't judge me, and that I am judging myself - the bottom line is it's still no fun. I've contemplated buying another Hummer to replace the one that they blew up, but I can't get myself to do it. Yes, no one knows that what they wish for is often vastly different than what they really want.

Yal-hune is laughing. I can sense it. She's remaining just outside my consciousness, but I sense her amusement at my self-made predicament nevertheless.

"You are discovering what all humans who become quickened discover."

"What's that?"

"That their material lives and goals seem so shallow, so meaningless, as they step up their intellect and realign their perspective and new goals replace the old ones. Living on a world like Earth, where everything is geared towards the few shallow goals of wealth, procreation, fame and pleasure - becomes intolerably boring and meaningless when the universe opens up to them and they realize that they have been living like animals - only seeking to serve themselves."

"It's the way man has lived for thousands of years. I wish I could throw it off overnight, but it can't be done."

"Yes, you must live in the world. You must have a home, transportation and man must procreate to perpetuate the species. However, the quickened man does all these things without the strong biases. If you want to go to the dealership today and buy a Hummer - that's fine with me. The question you have to ask yourself is why? Do you need another vehicle? Why that one? If you buy them to impress people and particularly the opposite sex - does knowing it does not impress me, start you re-evaluating your motivations?"

"See? I knew you were going to do this. You're going to take the fun out of everything I enjoy! I'll be living like a monk in a monastery, before long, with you around."

"Do you really enjoy it? Really? Or are those thoughts planted there by the overshadowers? You, YOU - really don't like showing other people up. You get uncomfortable when others judge you based on your material trappings. Your car, your clothes or your Rolex. You are the still small voice that is more concerned with how these things hurt others, pushing them towards materialism as you become its stalwart poster child. Then your voice is drowned out and you submit. When the overshadower gets an emotional kick out of others attention, you feel that too. Do you really want to submit your will for some sickly blue-skinned alien on some other world that seeks to keep you from achieving your true goals?"

She has me pinned against the mat. She's right. And I sense someone elses frustration in my mind - detached from myself now. That must be one of the overshadowers assigned to me. She has reasoned it out so well that my own mind could take sides with her.

"Yes, you see what you are up against. 24/7 manipulation and distraction. But you will get stronger. You will learn to analyze all your wants and really re-evaluate them as they try to dominate your actions and motions here on your world."

"Ok...no new Hummer...but how about sharing some of those EMF craft technologies."

"Yeah...you wish."

She laughs again. And when she does, everything else doesn't matter.