The winds are howling across sterile rock outcroppings and dust. The lonely old Saguaros feel the wind pass through their many prickly fingers. An owl hoots somewhere in the distance, knowing the night is his daytime. Stars, far more than I could ever care to count, are my companions overhead - a meteor streaks across the firmament descending in the northeast and far brighter and larger than any meteorite I have ever seen. It feels like a portent.
I slipped out of the security of Shamballa to stargaze. I needed to get away, all by myself - and think.
So much has happened over the past two months. My life, in so many ways, is more than I ever could have asked for, yet I am restless. I am expectant as well. I don't know of what, but it is something significant. I have this great big hole in my personality that used to be filled up with a desire to save the world. Now I don't know what I want. Sure, I want Yal-hune, but I know we can never be equals and such relationships never work out. At the same time, it's hard to imagine myself settling down with 'just' an Earth woman after having experienced oscillation with Yal-hune. She's given me the greatest gifts any human has ever received and here I am, alone, complaining to the stars. And knowing that some of the worlds orbiting some of those stars are actually able to hear my thoughts is yet another disconcerting tidbit to round out my consciousness.
What do I want?
I don't know. All the material pursuits are meaningless. Money? For what? I've got a real 'UFO' type spaceship at my disposal, have traveled through time to the future and even seen Earth with the naked eye from out in space - things all the money in the world can't buy. Buying new things from today, after seeing the MIMIR artifacts, seems like visiting the antique store. I suppose one part of me wants to leave Earth and explore the galaxy. Sure, it might be fun living out Star Trek for real - exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life. However, with my luck, I'd probably get upset or express some low emotion and the ship would explode. Besides, I know I was born here on Earth for a reason and it wasn't to wait around until I could take the quickest space craft to leave again. And already a part of me knows that even the most glorious worlds I might arrive at, would still leave me hungry for something more. Lasting satisfaction and contentment are not for humanity. We are given brief moments and then must start a new quest all over again.
It was so much easier when I wanted to save the world. That is a quest one can never achieve and so one is always happy and can always find something to do with such a goal. Yal-hune has taken that away from me. Well, actually she has helped me take it away from myself. It's all part of this balance thing. With new highs come new lows - if one is not careful. Because of my positive over bias of Yal-hune and all the rest I have been privileged to experience, I now transpose myself into the dark abyss. In many ways Yal-hune is a dream come true. Probably more than a dream come true, as I could never have dreamed all the things she can do and has done for me. Recalibrating my life, with a foot in Yal-hune's universe and the rest of me on Earth, is its own form of perdition. I can't fully live in either and so I am in a nether-world of sorts. Enjoying momentary highs beyond all reason and then returning to a mundane world that seems more and more like Heck, with each passing day.
Maybe that's how she really sees this world - a sort of hell, where everyone personifies lower mental expression: selfishness, insecurity, hate, fear and sadness. Even this funk I am in is part of this miasma of darkness that cloaks the Earth.
"I can't permit you to continue. You are off-equilibrium again! How many times must I teach you the secret to true, lasting happiness and contentment? Equilibrium. Balance. Equanimity. These things are your doorway out of your funk. And make no mistake about it - your funk was orchestrated in large part by one of those worlds orbiting the stars above you. When you let them steer you into a self-pity-a-thon, you give them the keys to your consciousness and let them drive you straight off a cliff! Those depressed thoughts are not you! Discern. Discern. DISCERN! You are a happy soul, even now you are bubbling up on the inside when you hear my voice, understand my words and you are filled with love - not just for me - but for your life. Everyone on Earth is - they just don't listen closely enough to their true thoughts!"
"I picked up an overshadower somewhere along the way. I can feel it now."
"Yes, you will be targeted. Constantly. Don't forget the time differential! They need only spend 1 minute out of each hour in their overshadowing pursuits and the result is 24/7 coverage here on Earth! They have plenty of time to steer you towards negative interests, try and get you depressed - or more accurately - get you to agree with a train of thought they have written and orchestrated!"
"And what could be more hellish than such a predicament."
"Yes. But YOU wanted to be here on Earth, so that you could experience such overshadowing - and master it. If you can find your true voice while living here on Earth, amongst a sea of overshadowers playing humanity like a fiddle, then you will make another step towards mastery of these material worlds. Yes, our galaxy is just the beginning. Here's another tidbit never before revealed to a human: planets are like atoms. Each atom has an isotope - and each planet have the equivalent - worlds that are related, but stepped up and more complex. Physical worlds give way to energy worlds of ever greater refinement."
"I Love you Yal-hune."
"And I love you too...infinitely. Haven't you figured it out yet? Each soul has the opportunity to grow infinitely closer to all others. As they become more developed, they spend more time with more souls - and do this on up through infinity. You love millions of souls - billions. And you will have an infinite amount of time to get to know and grow closer to each and every one."
"You already love each human here more than they could comprehend, don't you?"
"Yes. And everyone on this world will someday be in the exact same position, if they keep progressing positively and seeking out constructive pursuits."
I know every word she has spoken is true. She has revealed the Wonder of Life to me, when I most needed such a revelation.