Monday, September 06, 2004

The Great Blog Debate!

What happens when the top bloggers of the blogging world get together for a debate? As regular readers know I have access to a Lapham-drive time machine but what they don't know is that I purchased Calvin's dusty transmogrifier from Bill Watterson at a garage sale. With a bit of help from the Special Activities Tech folks, we have a full fledged Bloggerfier--capable of reproducing a simulacrum of various bloggers.

The result?

The Great Blog Debate!

The participants created by our Bloggerfier are:
Glenn Reynolds from Instapundit
James Lileks of The Bleat
Atrios (Mr.Black) from Atrios Eschaton
Andrew Sullivan
Markos Zuniga of the Daily Kos
Michelle Malkin
Charles from LGF
Wretchard from the Belmont Club
Tacitus from Redstate & Tacitus
Jane Galt from Asymmetrical Information

All have been asked to debate about the coming anniversary of 9-11-2001 and whether or not America is more secure now.

Without further ado I present...the Great Blog Debate:

Wretchard: "I'd like to begin and say that this is not exactly unprecedented. Historically, the blog as a medium of communication is infinitesimally small in measure. However, in the University of Goethe-Rhein Universitat in Germany a small experiment was conducted in pseudo personalities and artificial intelligence. In this complicated project various computers were programmed and assigned to emulate famous orators in the performance of a debate. The project required extensive archiving of the speeches and orations and was considered a successful achievement in the application of artificial intelligence. The thoughtful rendition of this same concept of this to the blogging world compels me to recount a passage of my favorite book, The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoevsky:

'But all his life, as a matter of fact, Fyodor Pavlovich was fond of play-acting, of suddenly taking up some unexpected role right in front of you, often when there was no need for it, and even to his own real disadvantage, as, for instance, in the present case. This trait, however, is characteristic of a great many people, even rather intelligent ones, and not only of Fyodor Pavlovich.'

Yes, I think this debate draws enigmatic parallels to and can't be discounted as a valid form of communication in the 21st century."

Tacitus: "I agree with Wretchard. Read on."

Charles: "What exactly did he say? Was he reading War and Peace? I thought this debate was about 9-11 and the Islamofascists who smashed planes into the WTC causing 3000 horrific deaths and the way the world ignores the continuing threat of Islamofascists?"

Zuniga: "That's pure bullshit. Islamofascism doesn't exist. Some folks get tired of imperialist intruders and stand up to fight them. I call those folks patriots and freedom fighters. To those who think otherwise I have two words--screw you!"

Zell Miller: "Screw me! Screw you! I know I wasn't invited to this debate, but I have two pages of votes here. It's all here! I know you don't want to let me speak and over talk me, but I won't shut up. I only wish I was there in person so I could get in your face! It's all there! It's all there!"

Michelle Malkin: "You're a true gentleman Zell. You tell him!"

Zuniga: "Tell me what...that he's out of his mind? Get him a hearing aid. This debate is supposedly about 9-11 and domestic security and how Bush has screwed up both badly. It certainly isn't about John Kerry, a man I regretfully support for the good and unity of the Democratic party.

Lileks: "And folks wonder why I don't promote other bloggers? I think Gnat has a better attention span than the folks here. She can sit through the Little Engine that Could very patiently (the 1946 edition put out by Olive Beaupre Miller naturally)and could recount the plot completely. I think I hear a home improvement project calling me or perhaps its the stumps of trees now vanished awaiting a stump-grinder.

Sullivan: While Bush is clearly the better candidate and his response to 9-11 has been very effective and he has obviously a far better grasp of the things required to deal with terror effectively in the future which is important if we want to save possibly millions of lives from future terror attacks, I just can't justify supporting him when he promotes sexual bigotry. Yes he would be a better President and Kerry wont do anything to promote sexual tolerance either, but I must hope against all odds that Kerry can come through and foster tolerance and sexual freedom."

Charles: "Now that we've heard from Johnny one-note, can we get back to the Islamofascist debate please?"

Tacitus: "If we put it in its proper context. Your harsh critiques of Islam put the wrong face on the conservative movement. Your rhetoric and actions lose us more supporters than it gains."

Charles: "Yada yada yada, tell that to the 3000 folks who perished on 9-11."

Glenn: "I've listened to this so far and I think it's safe to say group blogs just don't work. This debate is going nowhere fast and I've got a guitar to play and things to do."

Zuniga: "Yeah like get back that 25% drop in readership, eh Glenn?"

Glenn: "Ah, spoken like the only blogger who can screw up running an ad for John Kerry."

Jane Galt: "It may not be the perfect time to bring this up, but has anyone here noticed the subtle prejudice in calling 'employment figures', 'jobless numbers?' Measuring the negative ratio when one can measure a positive creates a negative association with the reader. The war on terror can't be discussed properly without considering the economical cost in jobs and productivity. With that many folks overseas it has depressed the statistical income data."

Lileks: "Here's my answer to that:"

Zuniga: "Like what...are you like eBay's best customer? You must have piles of that old sh-- lying around the house. What's up with that anyway?"

Wretchard: "Historical references are useful tools for educating the mind and putting the history we all are now part of in a greater context. To ignore the past means you have no sense of continuity and cannot pursue the levels of comprehension that help shape and form more valuable insights on current affairs."

Tacitus: "Well said Wretchard."

Michelle Malkin: "While we're here debating and this blog is getting all sorts of traffic can we repeat once again that Chris Matthews is a neanderthal nincompoop and the sleaziest, least informed media personality on television?"

Atrios: "Get over it. You made a fool of yourself and if you can't handle the heat, then get out of the kitchen. You're a hate-filled Ann Coulter minus the thick skin. The world is changing and imperialist exploiters like you are a dime a dozen."

Charles: "Atrios are you channeling George Soros or are those inane remarks really your views?"

Atrios: "This debate is a farce. 9-11 is the payback for decades of imperialist adventuring and suppression of the free individual. Terrorism is the only response these oppressed masses have to make their voices heard. Bush has only strengthened the resistance as he fights for international corporations! Soros is right! You are all fools! Poppism will set man free!"

Glenn: "You know 'Atrios', I kept your secret all these years, but you know what? I think you're just completely losing it. Seriously. Lighten up."

Michelle Malkin: "Thanks Glenn. It's nice to see another gentleman exists in the world."

SDAI-Tech1: I hate to interrupt this love-fest, but I think It is time to end this experiment early. The Bloggerfier is getting pretty toasty and I don't want to break it the first time I use it. Thank you all for joining us and observing this great blogger debate & experiment.

(Note: This is a parody. All text is Bloggerfied and any similarity to views of actual bloggers is purely coincidental.)

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