Friday, March 04, 2011

Ramblings

I return from my unscheduled trip with a bit more hope for the future than I had just 16 hours ago. Orchestrating a new symphony is never easy, and as Director of SDAI sometimes I feel like the conductor.

Yaylu is somewhere in China again. She's been gone for some time now. I have my suspicions about where she exactly returns to - secret facilities or possibly even remnants of the first Shamballa. She told me she has lots of friends, yet I have not met one of them. Skuuinja is living in Europe and she sent a postcard from Monte Carlo which had written in beautiful penmanship: "Not a TPD in sight." - a private joke only I would understand, but which would assure me that she was the sender of the postcard. I miss them both and Yal-hune as well.

It's just as well, perhaps. Though, I was so used to Skuuinja reading my thoughts all the time, that I've become that much more analytical and aware of those dips in consciousness. Having actual privacy of mind is hard to get used to.

All of the things I have experienced now, have made me somewhat numb to high weirdness. The most difficult thing has been to try and adjust to humanity. Ever since the enhancement which permits my brain to function more efficiently, I have found it more difficult to interrelate with others. I have become more withdrawn, less outgoing and I spend more time inside my own mind. I was never a social fraternizer, but still the difference is significant and I don't like it. I still bias others' lives and actions and if they don't live up to my own standards, then I pretty much shut them out of my life. I have no time for the pursuit of mindless, obsession sponsored time-wasters and thoughts. When Yal-hune was here, her presence alone seemed to keep me more bias-free. No that she is gone, I find the old ways returning. The judgments, subtle and not so subtle critical thoughts that infect my mind when I interact with the masses. I dislike it tremendously and need to redouble my efforts to abstain from these patterns of thought.

I keep wondering what futures Yal-hune had seen. She left just before the revolutions in Egypt, Libya and throughout the Middle East. Apparently the nuclear Armageddon was triggered in a chain that started with these events. She never told me anything - never even hinted she knew something until Shayla appeared to try and protect me from a nuclear future that was particularly unkind to me. As these events play out, I know she has orchestrated a time stream which averts all this and preserves me from something so bad they couldn't even tell me precisely what it was.

The films coming out, Limitless and Adjustment Bureau are not so subtle reminders that my life is fodder for overshadowers inspiring the entertainment industry and for over a year now every day I wake up knowing that my life is a reality show broadcast to dozens of worlds throughout the galaxy - and that I have absolutely no privacy whatsoever. I push it out of my head, yet I remember it at inconvenient times and then I remember that no one has any privacy - really. Every thought action and deed is recorded and accessible by those with the technology - or minds - to access it.

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