I'm in the middle of a deep depressathon. I didn't go home last night and slept in the daybed in my office. Yal-hune's forced departure to save me and the Earth from a nuclear future repeats the same pattern I have had with every woman I have ever loved and cared for deeply. Like some curse that hangs over me, every woman who loves me is forced to leave me or I leave them after what usually seems anywhere from a few months to a few years. At 3am last night I started moping in my office and thinking about this turn of events - and began to get angry about it. I was angry with the universe.
Sure, I know it's all energy flows and I know these flows regenerate again and again, but I thought I had made enough headway to actually break the short-lived relationship cycle. I was wrong. Yal-hune's gone and I'm frustrated. I never got a chance to meet Tech7 over the holidays and she has gone back to DC.
A bright ball of light appears in my office and at the center of it is Yaylu. Her white hair and silver-blue skin, as mentioned previously, remind me of the spirit of winter - a Japanese Manga artist's dream come to life in a real living and breathing 7 foot tall glorious vision of a woman.
"Class is in session. Sit down."
I sit at my desk with a warm cup of decaf and I wonder just what this beautiful alien is going to teach me.
"I've lived here 65 years on the Earth. I've had to limit my interaction with humans so as not to interfere with their natural development and growth. I've often wanted to tell them what I am going to tell you. You've already been interfaced by Yal-hune, Shayla and others so I am free to let loose - because you certainly need it!"
"Go ahead - give me both barrels. I'm ready."
I laugh a bit, but she's just looking at me with her large intense eyes.
"You need to really understand ENERGY. You think you do, but you don't understand it well enough to avoid getting caught up in self-pity, self-doubt and the path of dissolution and selfishness."
She waves her hand in front of me and leaves a white vortex made of light in the air.
"This is you - a vortex of energy. You are growing and regenerating all that you are with each passing moment. You recognize that this vortex is infinite in nature and can keep spiralling around itself forever. The direction of this vortex is influenced by your biases. All that you are is in here and it is a field of flowing energy."
I watch as the vortex comes to life as her mind animates it. The core vortex springs off branches, smaller vortices that branch off the main logarithmic spiral.
"Yes, you recognize this as the same way any plant grows - the branches sprout at precise intervals. In this instance, your experiences regenerate and as you go through them - new experiences are added to them. These experiences emerge at points that have a frequency relationship with a certain part of your own personal infinite vortex. So at any point various parts of you are receiving more energy and development and others are receiving less. Your consciousness and your pasts determine and guide these flows."
I watch as the vortex pulses like a living thing and the branches grow at varying rates, some faster and some slower. The flow of energy into each not fixed, but variable.
"Your experiences with women in many lifetimes has created a pattern - a cycle - that regenerates and reappears in your life with great frequency. You have created this cycle yourself and have fed it. It becomes a dominant element in your lifetimes - and because you keep feeding it energy - in the form of NEGATIVELY biased energy - it keeps growing and starts to dominate, sculpting and shaping the way yo keep living out your lifetimes.
The vortex floating in front of me pulses and one arm continues to grow faster than the rest and dominates the other vortices.
"As you return to the physical, you now have to deal with this same vortex again and again - and you need to feed the other arms more energy to diminish this imbalance. By viewing Yal-hune or Tech7's departure as negative - you only strengthen this cycle and torture yourself more.If you view these things POSITIVELY and see the GOOD in them, then you will tame this runaway set of experiences and put it back into a proper relationship with the rest of your being. Do you understand?"
I watch as the red vortex slows its growth and the rest of the vortices grow faster, creating a balance again.
"Once you do this, you will no longer live lifetime after lifetime with this central theme of intense love then break up and loneliness. So you must learn to see the good in the apartness, the loneliness and the entire situation. Once you do, this cycle of energy will diminish and just become a minor element of your life. You understand that there is not just one "soul mate" for you, and that as you become more infinite you will develop intense developed positive relationships with many beings."
Yaylu looks at me and smiles. She approaches me closely and bends down and gets right in my face with her lovely face and big eyes.
"For me...I would never have gotten to meet you in this life if not for Yal-hune's departure. Your imbalanced past has opened the doorway for me to enter your life. And make no doubt about it - the kid gloves are off. When you behave in an imbalanced manner and fail to see the good, I will be here to remind you - even if I have to kiss you every time you think a positive thought - just to reinforce it and keep you on the right path.
She smiles and I test her. I think about all the good that this has brought about, about me understanding more of myself and the way life works because of Yal-hune's departure.
Sure enough, she kisses me with her silver-blue lips and it is a kiss unlike any other I have ever felt - electrical and powerful beyond words. I am suddenly floating in free space and all that is around me is her - her lips connect with mine and the flow of energy between us is intense and indescribable. It is a kiss powered not just by her body or by lust, but by her mind and soul. It is a kiss that has a keen intelligence. It is directed and it is designed to spur my mind and feed my soul - and it works!