Depressed in a Diablo.

I am moping around in a particularly low consciousness after hearing some pretty disappointing news about the future of the United States (and western civilization for that matter) I need to get out of here, leave Shamballa and the endless stream of data. I stop by the vehicle garage to pick up something different from a fleet of vehicles they have been preparing for agents working out of the newly built SDAI directorate facilities in India.

I look around and my eye falls on assorted Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Bugattis and a plethora of SUVs and sedans. A jet black roadster catches my eye sandwiched between two white SUVs. I walk towards it and see it is a vintage 1994 Lamborghini Diablo roadster, complete with the tail fin.

I check out the vehicle, grab the keys, get debriefed quickly by Tech143 about the mods which this vehicle has been given and then hit the tarmac. I burn some rubber as soon as I hit the highway. The wind buffets me and I push the vehicle quickly to 130 on the private road that leads Shamballa to a remote highway and then bring it back down, having gotten the need for speed out of my system. I activate the remote hardtop and am startled that the engineers designed such a seamless and effortless power operated hardtop into the body and chassis. Soon the wind noise and buffeting stops and I can actually enjoy the music the stereo is pumping out.

Trying to forget what one has heard in a fast car isn't really mature or sensible. I reflect on my apparent immaturity as I downshift. Sometimes I realize I'm still very immature and I don't know exactly what the heck I am doing. For years I've worked for truth, justice and the American way. My life has been mute testimony to the application of intelligent knowledge guided by the highest moral compass for the greatest good. I've seen so much. Too much perhaps, as it's made it hard to interface with the rest of the world in a "normal" manner. How does one walk around with all these secrets and incredible knowledge and not feel simultaneously almost god-like and a complete prisoner? Every day there are some 21,000+ separate national security laws which I must abide by and for the most part I do so without a problem.

That said, every time I drive past a hospital I feel guilty. I know stuff that makes these places look like medieval blood-letting shops. I've seen the disease free futures and the electronic healing machines that make operations, drugs and all the rest obsolete. But that's not the worst of it. The worst is living in a world where everyone thinks this is it - this is their one life and they claw and struggle and suffer every little event in it. ANd what's worse they don't know how to make their lives easier.

That's the worst. Holding this knowledge amongst those who live temporally is so fundamentally incompatible it makes life sometimes very difficult. My entire paradigm is geared towards the long haul - not some x number of decades. Even at Shamballa, those that know of reincarnation and fundamental frequencies and all the rest are only 2 percent of the active personnel. And most of those work on compartmentalized projects in one of the sub-levels - I almost never see them.

Yeah, yeah, cry me a river. Its an uncustomary bout of self-pity and I'm sure if Yal-hune was here she would show me the parasitic entity that is, even now, feeding on my consciousness and lower emotions.

I guess that's why I blog some of these things - my own way of leaking out secrets for those who can relate to them and make some use of them. Sometimes I wonder what becomes of these things. How many out of some 7 billion get to have that "Galaxy Quest" epiphany:

"It's all real."
"Oh my God! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!"

Then I have to worry what they will do with this information. Will it harm them or help them?

"Woaahhhhh!"

Yal-hune appears in the seat beside me. This is a first. She's never teleported in or out of a moving car before, much less a cramped Lamborghini buzzing along at 80 mph. I hit the brakes and pull over to the side of the highway.

"You really are out of it today...your self-pity rant is being broadcast all over the worlds...why?"

Suddenly, I recall that I'm an unpaid star in a galactic reality show and that everything I do, say is being broadcast to 100's of worlds and trillions of people. I keep trying to forget that. It's impossible to go around thinking that you live in a fishbowl.

"I'm sorry Yal-hune. I don't know. I guess it is some sort of human weakness. I see the world and can't help but feel all my best efforts have been in vain. I'm discouraged...to put it nicely.

"You can't save anyone - save yourself. And right now you're not even doing a good job of that. You need to realize what it is that obsessed you and brought down your consciousness. Yes...you realize it now don't you? You see the difference? Weed it out! Extract it and recapture your equilibrium."

She is right - as always. I realize I had had a conversation with someone who was down and depressed about two hours ago. Their obsessions latched on to me. I must now try to extract them with a counterfield generated by my true mind - one uninfluenced by such things as self-pity or lower emotions.

"Good. You wanted to know more about that woman you've fallen in love with?"

"Well....yes....but I didn't want to involve you in that."

"It's my pleasure to assist you in small ways when it will serve us both well. This woman is one you have known in numerous lifetimes. She is a polarity and a more positive one. Though you have had some negative pasts with her as well, so you should be aware that the attraction is not ALL positive."

"Any detail about which pasts?"

"Egypt. Greece. A lifetime in Mesopotamia. One in China in the 11th century. Another in Europe during the reformation."

"Any details? Do you have any of your good advice?"

"No details. It's best you recognize these things yourself, you will get much more benefit that way. And as for advice - try to stay on equilibrium."

"Easier said than done. I just hope I can ease her into some portion of the information stream with out it creating a shock."

"You must remember, we have different relationships with different people and on different levels. I interact with you on one level and with others at other levels - sometimes one has to share with others different parts of oneself."

"Is this your nice way of saying she's not going to be ready for any of this stuff?"

"No. What I'm saying is you need to value each person in a unique manner. Each soul has that infinite spark and you tend to prioritize certain aspects and then judge others against your own weighted rubric. Do you remember the deformed girl from the future? She tried to tell you this as well. You really should analyze closely the processes and ways by which you interface with others."

She's right. She's always right. I hurt others this way and I can't help it. I've distanced myself from thousands of people in this life alone because they did not quite live up to my standards of proper living. They didn't make the grade to stay in my inner circle and so my inner circle keeps dwindling. If it dwindles much more being Tech1 will have a whole new meaning.

"Yal-hune?"

"Yes?"

"Do you get bored of Earth? Of me? I mean here you are and this has to be so...so...stifling. Dealing with humans must be like dealing with animals almost. The consciousness disparity is so great, I know if I find it hard it must be incredibly taxing for you."

"I explained this to you before and showed you how I feel as I let you enter my mind that first day we met. Nothing has changed. You still bias - I do not. That's why you're miserable and I'm constantly positively motivated."

"When I see others in pain...it hurts and I bias that negative. I can't yet find the strength to see clearly the good side of this pain. I guess I'm too retarded to see and extract the good. All I seem able to recognize and latch onto is the negative. Even this pending relationship has me perplexed and frustrated. I second guess my every instinct, feeling and desire. I then bias my own frustration and the loop just goes around compounding itself exponentially until everything in my life seems like a big pile of manure and I'm knee deep in it."

"Seeing the good is not always easy. Finding equanimity with all that surrounds you is a sign of true mastery. True masters don't find themselves born on Earth, they've long since evolved past this learning ground. So don't feel bad - you are here for a reason - to develop this mastery. And these terrible dilemmas are the tests you yourself set up before you were born in order to pass. This is YOUR class schedule - you wanted this. You just don't remember from this 3rd dimensional frame of reference and consciousness."

That last bit hits me hard. I realize she's hit the nail on the head. I set up this life...down to many little details. Each event, each moment a test I set up to try and pass. I'm failing pretty miserably...but I will redouble my efforts.

"That's the spirit...you can master this stuff. You will learn to see the good just as quickly as you see the bad. In death you will see life, in pain you will see growth and development. In all of those around you, you will cease to let their states emotionalize you or set off a chain of biases. You will achieve mastery over these 3rd dimensional streams of energy which are your life and when you do, you will move on to the next level and need not return.

"I love you Yal-hune..."

"I know...that's why you are able to hear this from me...because we have a strong set of balanced waves in common."

"Love conquers all."

"Yes."

She disappears from the Diablo. I pull back on the road and shortly thereafter I feel a the most gentle mental kiss on my right cheek.