Ever since the crisis, when I really want to think clearly I enter the personal EMF craft obtained from Project MIMIR's assets. No other place on the planet provides protection from overshadowing signals, discarnate entities and any number of various types of emotional obsessions which loiter all over the Earth.
I don't take the ship anywhere, as I'm afraid to have it blow up on me as soon as my thoughts get out of a certain elevated spectra. So I just enter it and use its refined properties and molecular density as the ultimate shield and for needed privacy.
It feels good. Really good to just be me. No fears, no insecurities, no anxiety, no guilt. In a very real way, I get to experience the future and find that balance. I used to go to lookout point for such thought, but now this beat lookout point hands down.
Everyone and everything changes. Time is measured by change - movement and cycles. After Yaylu's little lesson and my own epiphany, I wonder just what I am supposed to do with my life. Working for SDAI seems less and less important. The world will become what it will become and all my efforts to sculpt it are not necessarily in the world's best interests. Spending time with family and friends has always been problematic for me. People change and I have changed the most. My interests are so far removed from those of my former friends that our friendship withered without common ground. Reminiscing about the past only goes so far. Watching the world change and morph can be destabilizing. Even the social structures I am familiar with are now fading away. Meeting face to face and conversing in the outside world is slowly dying. Texting, iphones and video-chats have supplanted and replaced the face-to-face and these electronic forms of communication leave me cold. They have little place in my world.
When I was younger, I wondered how people could remain stuck in the past. They would wear old style clothing, have old style hair-dos, listen to old music and were completely out of touch with the present. Getting to watch the previous generation go through this metamorphosis, and then my own as well, has been educational. Sure, there are those that thrust themselves into the new and race to embrace every new technology, music fad and religiously obey the fashion of the moment as they cling to what they perceive makes them appear younger. This has always been almost equally disturbing to observe. Neither has the balance that permits the graceful passage of time - or more precisely - adaptation to change.
Of course, seeing and living with these much longer lived beings, that age far slower than humans do, has put a spotlight on my own human cycles and created its own set of insecurities. Which, I guess, just goes to show how shallow I can be. I wonder if Yaylu (or Yal-hune, Shayla and Skuuinja for that matter) looked as a human would at their age, I would probably be horrified and repulsed. Getting kissed by a human hundreds of years old would probably seem quite creepy. Over the years now I have been kissed by numerous alien centenarians-many-times-over and the kisses have been exquisite.
Are looks that important?
Do the physical trappings truly reflect the mind within?
I am beginning to wonder if, again, my human biases have impaired my true vision. I know of aliens that have nothing resembling human form and yet are amazingly beautiful beings with almost nothing in common with the human anatomy whatsoever. How do I rationalize and take into account these disparities?
Perhaps Earth is more sick, or simply younger, than I thought. Many of these other worlds embrace all parts of the cycle of life instead of just one portion of it. Here, serving youth and those who wish to seem young has become the dominating force in all advertising, cultural cues and industry.
I wonder just what would happen were Earth to find more balance in this regard.