Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Andrew Sullivan: Moving from Hamlet to Homer with the 'Roadkilliad'

Homer was a storyteller of fables. He wrote and composed the Iliad and the Odyssey, apparently blending fact and fiction. He was also blind as a bat.

Andrew Sullivan, who completed his conversion from conservative to the support of liberal metrosexual John Kerry the day after my blog parodied him as Hamlet, has now become Homer, the blind bard telling tales of Dick Cheney as "roadkill."

In tribute to his apparent blindness and fictional storytelling abilities I present to you: The prelude to battle of John Edwards versus Dick Cheney from the 'Roadkilliad':

On this, with fell intent he made towards the debate hall, and as the winning horse in a chariot race strains every nerve when he is flying over the plain, even so fast and furiously did the limbs of Edwards bear him onwards. President Bush was first to note him as he scoured the plain, all radiant as the star which men call Orion's Hound, and whose beams blaze forth in time of harvest more brilliantly than those of any other that shines by night; brightest of them all though he be, he yet bodes ill for mortals, for he brings fire and fever in his train- even so did Edwards' shining armour gleam on his breast as he sped onwards to meet the evil Dick Cheney. Bush raised a cry and beat his head with his hands as he lifted them up and shouted out to his dear VP, imploring him to return; but Cheney still stayed before the gates, for his heart was set upon doing battle with Edwards. The homophobic old man reached out his arms towards him and bade him for pity's sake come within the walls. "Cheney," he cried, "my vice-president, stay not to face this man alone and unsupported, or you will meet death at the hands of the sidekick of Kerry, for he is mightier than you. Monster that he is; would indeed that the gods loved him no better than I do, for so, dogs and vultures would soon devour him as he lay stretched on earth, and a load of grief would be lifted from my heart, for many a debate has the Kerry/Edwards team reft from me, either by deception or sullying my name due to the war that happens in that land beyond the sea: even now I face two debates from among the liberals who have thronged within this city, Washington DC and what of Barbara, peeress among women, who bore me. Should she be still alive and witness the ascension of the liberals, we will despise such vision, but if you too perish at the hands of Edwards, such will hasten such a day. Come, then, my VP, within the city, to be the guardian of GOP men and GOP women, or you will both lose your own life and afford a mighty triumph to the sidekick of Kerry. When a young man falls by the sword in battle, he may lie where he is and there is nothing unseemly; let what will be seen, all is honourable in death, but when an old man is slain there is nothing in this world more pitiable than that dogs should defile his grey hair and beard and all that men hide for shame. Be not roadkill Cheney, seek shelter within thine Naval Observatory and leave the field of battle, if not for thine own sake, then for mine!"

That was Homer Sullivan the blind bard and his rendition of a key scene from the 'Roadkilliad'- naturally a fable which only the blind can see and enjoy, leaving those of us with sight somewhat nonplussed at the tale and realizing it for the fiction that it is.



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