Tests (Part 81)

Tests. That's what my life is. Every day, hour, minute and second - all part of an elaborate endless test. I get no time-outs, no reprieve or finish. It's constant. And just when I finish one part, some entirely new part is ready to be taken.

I see the world and when I'm working back alongside the folks at SDAI, all the old feelings and desires come back. Save the world. Like someone given a chance to go back in time from the future and try and prevent the fall of Rome, the assassination of Lincoln or the burning of the Alexandrian library, I feel compelled to use my mind to avert it, to save faceless people from a fate they themselves chose. The billions of people alive right now lie on my shoulders like I'm wearing a yoke. I don't know them all, but I can feel them there nevertheless. With great power comes great responsibility. Sure. I know stuff. Stuff that could save people's lives, save them endless heartache and if they understood it, bring about large amounts of joy and happiness. Christ, I live with two female aliens and my life is so out of place here on Earth it feels like I might as well be an alien.

But I know I'm taking the test now. And part of this test is about holding back. Knowing what to share and what to hold tight to the chest. Knowing and understanding that all sorts of information is keyed to each individual. That each unique soul has their own unique way of processing data as well as a completely unique order.

That's what I tried to explain to Isis. She didn't get it. I'm not really surprised. I could pass it by the population of the entire planet and only a handful of voices would be in agreement - and partial agreement at that! Isis is in a holding area and I can't stand it. I've had to deal with all sorts of people, but dealing with someone you have worked alongside and trusted for several years becomes palpably onerous.

Lal-atha. Earth has a new super-villain. According to Yal-hune he is very determined to interfere directly with this planet's development. He's working towards an Armageddon scenario. It's not just Earth that he hates though. He's apparently got a whole hit-list of 'elemental' worlds and sentient species he feels are best directed towards the sentient junk bin. A bin that is filled with other sentient species now extinct. All the victim of some cataclysm, planetary wars and unimaginably horrible diseases.

It's almost funny. While human scientists debate about microbial life on asteroids or on Mars, other aliens are actively working to see humanity vanish from the petrie dish known as Earth. I suppose it was naive of me to think all extraterrestrials would be nice people. It was inane of me to think that sentience would automatically respect the right to exist of other sentience. In an infinite universe, sentience is equally diverse. I get a taste of this with Yal-hune and again with Skuuinja. Even my trip to 6370 with Tis-mi-ish exposed me to these subtle variations of sentient thought. Great minds don't necessarily think alike. And this is good. The universe would be boring if everyone looked and acted human.

It's raining out here in the desert and I think about my new friends in the cliffs. In a land where rains turn into flash floods and then equally quickly stop, their homes in the cliffs illustrate human ingenuity.

Well, I've got reports to make and I've got to figure out Encyclopedia's next move. Sometimes writing all this stuff down in the blog helps my train of thought. I guess I have to share all this stuff somewhere or I would go crazy. Secrets, classification levels and all the rest. My life has been overflowing with secrets. With things one can't share. Where every bit of intelligence is measured and then sorted. A place for everything and everything in its place.

Here, everything on the web is real and unreal - a shadow world. Like a Wikipedia entry, no one ever knows whether or not what one reads is accurate. That's why it's safe. And before you all think I'm a hypocrite for doing what Isis wants to do, there's a big difference. She wants to make it REAL. Undeniably real. Here everyone can walk away and they can hug the doubt that I generously leave in the room. Doubt is a savior. Doubt is the great stress-reliever. For all those that would go nuts knowing the truth, doubt is a godsend. Isis wants to steal that away and I can't let her. Because it would hurt too many people, starting with herself.

As if on cue, my cell-phone rings. Well...till later.