Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Vegansexuals, Pet Owners and Other Freaks!

Yeah, I know.

Boy this is an unusual blog entry, even by SDAI-Tech1 standards! Stumbling upon such a title here is sort of like seeing the bearded lady at the circus and you find she now can sing in latin - backwards.

Well it's sweeps week for my Japanese syndicate and I have to pick up my ratings a bit. And this little news item caught my attention, and I figured was worthy of a bit of comment.

First off, let me say I'm not a Vegan. A Vegan used to be a plot device in a bad science fiction movie:

"The star system Vega has sent ships to invade the Earth! The Vegans are here! Aaaaagh!"



Most vegans look similar after shunning meat for a for few years. Yeah, I know - cruel. But the pale, malnourished, string haired look of a meat-protein starved vegan is immediately recognizable to yours truly.

And what is a vegansexual? A vegansexual is a vegan who limits sexual relations to other vegans because "meat eaters' bodies are a graveyard for dead animals".

Ok. Let's take a look at the immense ignorance here.

ALL living things consume their environment.

Yes - all.

The plants greedily consume water and carbon dioxide -and as a matter of fact they grow faster when feeding on decomposing living organisms nutrients and the byproducts (such as manure) of living organisms. The plants are not "innocent of consuming the living things around them" - they do it all the time!

So a "vegansexual" can immediately be assumed to be both ignorant and prejudiced at the same time. Oh, and let's not forget the huge guilt/inferiority complexes that vegans share - the one that drives them to care more for animals than other humans. This is the real story behind the story. Vegansexualism is just part and parcel of something approaching bestiality - a bizarre love of animals.

Let me be real open and honest: people with pets, people who love animals and shower their affection on animals have emotional issues. Sure its most visible on the old lady with twenty cats who spends all here time in servitude to her cats - but it is just as true of the guy who buys a Pit Bull or the little girl with a cute kitten. All are treating certain emotional issues with a pet.

The animal is non-judgmental. If you feed the animal it "loves" you. It will come to you, rub against you and make noises at you. Humans who believe these animals have feelings or share some special relationship with their owner are engaging in a bit of self-delusion.

The self-delusion is an emotional escape mechanism, whereby the pet-owner can get very cheap ego-reinforcement. A whining animal that begs for food, seeks to be petted, makes the owner feel needed or loved.

I can see it now:

"SDAI-Tech1 offends MILLIONS & MILLIONS of pet owners & calls them mental cases!"

Well the Japanese syndicate wanted controversial - who am I to disappoint! And what's more, it's true. It was time somebody mentioned it. Sure the pet food industry will have hit-men out looking for me and many fellow pet-owning bloggers will take offense and I will not be invited to the special Blogabration Awards Ceremony like last year. But hey, ALL awards ceremonies are self-congratulatory fests for emotionally insecure folks anyway. Who needs it!

In fact, I suspect that discussing alien life, reincarnation and mind reading is not nearly as controversial as telling pet owners they are emotionally needy basket cases.

And let's face it - most vegans are pet owners. How many vegans do you know that treat their animals like children? It's disgusting. They shower more love on a dumb animal than they do on other human beings. Little "pookums" is hugged and stroked, spoken to like a human, eats gourmet pet food several times a day while Johnny down the street goes hungry to bed and hasn't anyone to talk to. They cry when they hear about some poor animals in a research lab and, ironically, are ready to harm the humans holding them in captivity!

So what have we clarified today:

A) "Vegansexuals" are seriously messed up and many are probably just a few steps away from bestiality. When you love ALL animals so much - except meat-eating humanity of course - you sort of limit your reproductive options.

B) Pet owners have affection issues - difficulty in expressing affection to other humans or receiving it from them.

C) Purina has paid Morris the Cat to come out of retirement and alongside Rin-Tin-Tin and Lassie are going to be waiting for me in a dark alley with sharpened claws somewhere.

D) Japanese Syndicates demand a lot from their talent.

Well for now all I can do is warn my readers to watch out for any partner (man/woman) who comes up and smells your body odor - they many very well be a vegansexual trying to "smell the dead meat" in you.

Oh and don't worry. Blog-sweep week will be over soon.

;-)

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