Monday, June 25, 2007

I Love Slavery!

I went to the slave market last week to pick up some foreign slaves. I needed some work done on my home and wanted to detail my SUV fleet and slaves are by far the cheapest form of labor there is. There are several slave markets in my area, but the one I prefer is near Home Depot. It's overflowing with slaves by 6 AM and that makes the slaves cheaper.

So I picked up a flatbed full of slaves for next to nothing and brought them down to the ol' 'plantation' to fix er up. In a day I had new fixtures up, part of the west wing painted and the chrome wheels on my SUV's were sparkling so bright I'd need to crack out my Raybans just to inspect them.

I sent each of em home with Alexander Hamilton at the end of a 8 hour day, and they were happy to have him. I figure I saved myself at least a thousand dollars, probably more, by using foreign slaves instead of Americans.

Hey! Stop looking at me like that! I'm not the only guy who likes slavery! I'm following in the footsteps of many famous Americans from Ted Kennedy and George Bush to Bill Gates. And if I listed every US company that likes and uses slaves, I wouldn't even begin to have the space on a THOUSAND blogs to list them all. Farms, plantations and vinyards use them regularly. We're all Simon Legrees using slaves and enjoying the fruits of slavery.

What's that? Lincoln? Lincoln, hah! Ol honest Abe, can rest easy. All the slaves of today have Spanish surnames. And I told you - they are HAPPY slaves. They weren't boated over in chains, rather they crossed our border. Our government looks the other way because they use slave labor too! We all use it, so what on earth are you complaining about? Do you go to McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, Carl's Jr or any other fast food place? Do you buy your children a 'Kid's Meal'. Well then, you too enjoy the fruits of slave labor. All those kid's toys are made by Chinese slave labor, folks who envy the Mexican slaves I pay ten dollars a day because they earn that much in a month.

Yeah WalMart, Microsoft, Hormel Foods and hundreds of other big companies all are built by good ol' fashioned slave labor. So before you go pointing at me and calling me a heartless Simon Legree, take a look around. Wake up!

I wouldn't need to use slaves if business were doing well, but business is down a bit, probably because lots of US folks seem to find it hard to get decent paying work, because of all the slaves running around. Saving thousands by using slaves to make up for the money they cost me makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

What? What's that you're gabbing about now? You oppose allowing the illegals flooding our shores? What do you want us to do, deport them? Get serious! Deportation and border control are dirty words. The largest businesses bribe a lot of politicians to make sure those borders stay open and they gosh darn WILL!

Didn't you get the memo? All of us in favor of illegal immigrants crossing the border are humanitarians! They want to be our slaves! They beg, crawl, suffer and pay coyotes good money to be our slaves. The least we can do for these folks is let them be our slaves! Nowadays travel agencies book illegals on flights to the US for coyote like profits, because many Americans aren't going on vacations much anymore.

What? You say their cutting their own throats? Hardly! By charging an illegal Mexican slave $500 for a $80 flight they make $420 profit per illegal they bring to take an American's job! That's a sweetheart deal! In a month a small travel agency can make tens of thousands on the side!

The slave trade pays!

It always has. All the rich folks support it! All the politicians have been told in no uncertain terms that they will be voted out and another guy voted in if they dare to close the doors on slavery or enforce our sham laws.

The new law of the land is quite simple:

Mexican Slavery is here to stay. We'll call it guest worker, undocumented worker or whatever - but the bottom line is the Mexicans are our slaves, we don't want them to learn English, we just want them by the bushel - and cheap.

So don't be a spoilsport, surely you have something you need slaves to do?

So go for it! Slave markets are popping up everywhere, in every state. The open border policy and paid off politicians are doing a fine job in ensuring your right to use Mexican slaves.

The borders will stay open. Slavery is as old as mankind. Go with the flow, embrace the power of exploitation! If you are rich or want to be rich - slavery is the answer!

It's fun!

And profitable!

(And for businesses who need to disqualify American workers - and bother to do so legally - here's a How-to-Hire-Foreign Workers 101 courtesy of a Pittsburgh law firm)

And Lou Dobbs of CNN proves he just doesn't get it!

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